Have you ever taken the time to look back on life and wonder "Where are those friends who said they would always be there?" Where are they now that I need them most? Were they really friends or just acquaintances?
In today's modern world, the word friend is too easily tossed around, similar to another word love. The social connection websites phenomenon have helped create this facade of friendships, yet it seems that the world can be a very lonely place. Even for those with many friends.
What is a friend? How do we make them and keep them?
The Bible offers us a great example of friendship with Jonathan and David in 1 Samuel 18.
Jonathan was such a friend to David that he gave him the clothes off his back, his sword, his belt. He gave David his love and affection. And when the chips were down, Jonathan warned David that his father Saul was going to try to kill him. Jonathan stood up to his father in defense of David.
What a friend!
You see, friendship is much like any other relationship,
IT TAKES WORK.
It takes a lot of work. That is if you want to get anything out of it and actually have friends that are more than just status symbols on Facebook.
Creating and maintaining a friendship takes quite a few things, but I will focus on 4.
Friendship takes:
1. Investment - Investment comes in many forms. The most important investment is time. In order to keep friendships alive and well, you have to invest time into them. While you can not do this and perhaps pick up on an old friendship down the road, it does not have the same pizazz as one that you are continuously putting effort into.
2. Committed investment - Committed investment means that you have to care about your friend. Have you ever been in a relationship where you (or the other party) only talked about themselves. They never really ask about what you need and neither do you? Committed investment is about caring and sharing and loving in good times and bad.
3. Vulnerability - This is in your committed investment. Have you ever had that friendship where you could share your darkest, deepest, most painful moments? Not only that but they didn't run away and stop speaking to you? They did not judge you? They simply loved you? Have you taken that chance? If they do run, is that the friend you really need?
4. Mutuality - Somewhat referred to in the committed investment. True friendship is a two way street. It is based on mutual love and respect. It is an ability to both share openly. To have the ability to challenge each other to grow and to be more than you thought you could be. A willingness to put the other one first.
Proverbs 27:17 says "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" (NIV). While many use this as only a statement of how men should hold themselves accountable, I also believe that this one little statement helps us transcend the bounds of friendship as well.
Who are your earthly friends? Have you put the work and effort into your relationships that you need to in order to forge bonds and share God's love? What do you need to do to repair some that you have damaged?
How friends behave has definitely changed throughout the years. I remember the work that my Grandparents put into their friendships. They played cards together every week. They alternated houses each week. They got together for several hours an evening and eventually they played cards. They went to flea markets together every Sunday. They broke bread together. And when my Grandparents passed, those friends arrived, with tears in their eyes, but with joyous stories pouring from their mouths.
I want to leave you with one other thought this evening, a homework assignment if you will. I want you to make a new friend (or perhaps reacquaint yourself with Him).
If you do not have a copy in your house, look up "Footprints in the Sand". You will find about 415,000 results. I want you to read it. This is an even greater version of love and friendship than the story of Jonathan and David. Do you know why? Because this one includes you and the greatest friend of all, Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
Blessings to each of you this day, God loves you.
Pastor Jim
Recently I got to thinking about how I would explain abstract emotions to people. While trying to come up with a list of words that one might need to know for everyday conversation for work, I went on to wikiHow after a conversation with my cousin and typed into the search "love". Someone had very poignantly made loving another person into a step-by-step process. This is EXACTLY what you've done with friendship, Jim! :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I moved out of state I got really angry with my "friends". I had a huge going away party before I moved, people coming and going all night long with hugs and "I'll miss you"s saying "we HAVE to stay in touch". Some people cried with me, others dedicated songs (yes, Jim, it was a karaoke going away party...). The entire time that I lived in Washington, I can count on one hand the people that kept in touch with me. It stung. When I needed support and the comfort of familiarity, I found my "best friends" were just friends at best.
I also learned more about faith in that one year than in any other years of my life combined. Proverbs says, "a friend loveth at all times". Does that mean I should just allow people to fade in and out of my life like my emotions are a radio station they can just tune to when they feel like it? Proverbs also talks about people to avoid; enemies, those quick to anger, the deceitful, so where do I draw the line? After a lot of advice and prayer, I knew I was left with two choices. Something less than ideal happened. Was I going to get better or bitter?
Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother". I was honest with those who had hurt me and boastful of those who had not. To this day, the ones that stuck with me are the ones I still talk to, text with, hang with, and live with! So much of friendship involves reciprocity, but it also means that we should treat everyone that we encounter - regardless of age, race, place, occupation - like they are your new potential friend. Why treat the lady swiping your credit card at the gas station any different than you do your bestie?
Imagine a world filled with friendly smiles and authentic kindness spread like wildfire. Why do we treat strangers like enemies and not like friends? Sometimes we don't even get off the phone to interact. Gracian said, "Friendship multiplies the good in life and divides the evil".
Very well said. God places those opportunities in front of us. Those potentials that blossom into great friendships. We have to be open to them and then open to continuing the work that they require. One does not just plant a seed and hope that it bears fruit in a garden do they? If so, I bet they are labeled as having a black thumb. But those that tend the garden, water, feed, and talk to the plants are blessed with glorious fruit and have a green thumb. How is cultivating long-lasting friendships any different. God bless you Megan.
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